Freekissesforsale's Datingish

Casual friends

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:42:20 GMT

Well, hook ups can be scary. I know in the past I have been the very worst person to try to have one of these. But lately I have been changing a lot. I have been enjoying some casual relations with an old friend (who I also could love soemday) and that is really the problem. I thought it was better, but as a friend, it is very hard to not try to get him to come over more often. Since I am at a campus with lots of gorgeous men in the negineering field I figure that it is a good time to try out hooking up casually. I think it was a mistake to try to find a relationship, and that I want to feel happier. I am just being open to things, I am not just going out to find a casual hook up. But say if I meet someone who is very handsome and we go somewhere... and we hook up.. well I won't feel bad if we stop contact or if we never get to hook up afterwards. In fact, I am preferring that scenario. So, no sex, but we will see what it comes to I'll let you know. Peace for now.

Way to be codependent

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:13:06 GMT

Well I have morphed into some needy sorority chick. It must end. I stayed up later than ever have in so long just to see if he would talk to me. I thought I got past this from high school! He is just being so free and not giving a care because he knows i am stuck in one place. I am waiting for him. So now I have decided to learn from him instead of getting all worked up about it all. I just won't message him until I really feel like I am ready to say something. That way it will be equal. And I am going to bed at 11 tonight, but no later than 2!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 05:53:38 GMT

Feeling unsure and sort of weird right now. I know that I was in love before with him. Now I am simply being with him as a person and not finding him as an answer to any prayers. I have been through love before, and been ground up by it completely. But now my luck is heading in the other path. I am feeling pretty confident and that I live my life with my highest good. But how do I move forward from here?

Well that was fun

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:35:24 GMT

Last night he came over and we talked for a bit. We had some cream soda and sat in my living room. I have not seen him for three or four years. It is very strange to talk to someone in person who u know very well but only through im and text messaging. So now we have bridged that gap.. and also taken things to a new level. We are unable to be friends without having possibilities of us always wanting to hook up. Since I don't really want a serious relationship, I have found that he is a very suitable companion. We don't go over the limit.

We just talk, online and in person. We hook up. We don't sleep over (so far) and we don't have intercourse. I don;t think I really want to have sex with him at all. At least, that is something I would reserve for a relationship. So all is well with the friendship, and we are enjoying things very well. Friends with benefits.

Ugh

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:21:52 GMT

I invite him over, he says he wants to come, then he can't. Then he wants to make plans for later that day, then he is the one who cancels. I can't direct him or I'll feel like I am the one who is in charge of everything and that is the worst feeling. So I am waiting patiently to see if he will tell me he wants to come over here. He likes to play games! Please make them stop! Okay maybe I like them a little bit.

Scared

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:00:14 GMT

...or just stupid?
That is what I wonder when I will take the effort to talk to someone who has been rude or very wavering in the past with me. There is this friend, who I have known since I was much younger, and he and I have had a history of wishy washery and avoidance of each other. Still, once and I while we both go back and try again, only to mysteriously see that these were just our own worlds. We are not really into each other. We just pretend to be happy to be with the other.. until we are getting ready to see each other. It happens every time. One of us runs for it.

So why did I expect to get something different from him? At least I feel really good about how I have felt about the whole ordeal. It just shows me that things haven't changed very much. They have altered, but they have not changed very much. More to come on this subject later.

Persona test

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:03:25 GMT

http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DBSD&g=0&o=1

I was surprised when I got the sonnet last night, and it made me REALLY upset actually. Like it seems like I fake being this one, when really I am actually the one from the link above. But I still put on the show like I am the sonnet. Why?? Because of different reasons, but mainly don't want to come off as someone who does need need to be in a relationship to enjoy sex.. which I am like... and just realized it say two or three days ago! WTF! Take the test, it will tell you a lot about your girl self, or guy self.

waiting for marriage or being in love

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 02:18:27 GMT

I am confused about the difference between waiting for marriage and waiting to be in love. Being in love can change in marriage. Having sex can be done when you are not in love. People have sex before marriage, get married and stay together. So what is the point of waiting for marriage?

Maybe to save ourselves the pain. It hurts to feel so betrayed when you have told yourself and someone else that you love them with you actions. It also irks me that I have one person for whom I know I would wait for forever to have sex with him if I knew we could be married. I wonder if he and I just do not have chemistry... lol

It is like in Gossip girl. Nate and blaire waited forever to have sex, but they did not end up staying together. Blaire and chuck obviously love each other. So... what's the deal about sex? Like so far I have been able to separate it from love... however... it still seems like an even exchange. It seems like love and sex should develop side by side. How can you fall in love without having sex? But maybe sex is only matching the type of commitment that is marriage. I am not sure. This all confuses me. Anyone have any thoughts from experience?

People are like plants

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:14:15 GMT

Every person, whether gay or straight or in between is a plant that needs water and nurture from other people. We all have the power to lift ourselves out of the soil. We have our own sources of water, our own fertilizer and our own sunlight. However, a lot of people look to others for their supply.

I used to look for my supply from someone else but now I have grown so much from being "dumped" when I thought I was so close to having it all. Every time I get comfortable, I seem to get kicked from behind with some sort of lesson, which tells me that to be alone is the most important thing to work on.

So now I am back there again. I wonder if there is something holding me in place, or something distant that I am revolving towards. I wonder what the plan for me is, in the grand design for my time on this planet. I wonder who I will know tomorrow, as it turns out to be some new turn of the weather whenever I feel comfortable or compliant with my life. Now I am looking for the very much dreaded thing you could look for, which is a deep self love that can only stem from having a lot of alone time.

I hope I can at last be comfortable with my place here, to the point where a friend is the last thing I want and I am secure in myself. Then only will I make the best friends, and find the best person to love. My friends are good, and my life is very good for lack of better words. But something is missing. I have to go and look for that.

I've realized what makes Edward Cullen irrisistible to women!

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 22:09:37 GMT

At first I thought it was his "bad boy" nature. And I wondered why I found him so appealing. But really, he is not a bad boy in all the senses of the word. He does not womanize. He drives a Volvo. Sure he drives too fast, but he can also fly. He is highly available... I thought then that maybe it was that he was somehow dangerous but holding himself back...

But then I realized what Edward has that we want... and it's not the handsome face or six pack abs. He, like every person, has a dark side, which could really hurt the person he wants to be close to. In fact, he struggles with this side of himself openly. In reality, the struggle is not so obvious, because it is not a matter of DEVOURING someone you love, but in some ways, it sure feels like it. So what does Edward Cullen have that no one else does unless they are truly magnificent?

He has control over his dark side. No matter what, he would never hurt Bella he would only protect her. But he almost does at the end. And that makes me wonder... What is the equivalent of that vampire bite at the end? If he changes her into a vampire, so she can be with him, does that mean she will be happy?